I Forgot I was Sick

I feel like this is one of the things that could only happen to me, or some sick and sad individual like me. But, the first breakthrough of me revisiting my recorded past has happened.

In the middle of the darkest part of my timeline, I was experiencing some health issues that I was healthily ignoring. But, because of our difficulty with pregnancy, we both got checked out. Unrelated to that, but still relevant, the diagnosed me with a hereditary disease: Hemochromatosis.

It’s not super (SUPER) life threatening or anything, though will cause issues with the liver (like the rest of my life). But, it does come with a fun sized and assorted bag of symptoms and side effects that I had the pleasure of experiencing most of. The doctor said I would need regular monitoring and, more than likely, removing blood from my body.

I forgot. Somewhere after the loss of my ex-wife’s and my second child, and right before the separation and loss of my job, when the world was spinning out of control for me…it just slipped my mind.

I feel like it may have happened later than that, because I can sort of recall going over it with some health workers while I was on my own. But, the mental breakdown I was having and, I guess, the PTSD from everything just kind of booted it from my grey matter. Which, I probably didn’t really give it a lot of weight anyway. I had a problem that wasn’t going to kill me anytime soon, there was nothing I wanted to do about it in light of dealing with everything else. So, the chemicals keeping those thoughts in check kind of got recycled.

This was all brought back to me when I found two different posts, one right before and one right after our separation. Which, reading these things is very cringe. Like, I know I was going through shit and being emotional, but I said some things in them that could have been put better, more maturely.

I’m going to post anything else I find on here and promise not to censor anything, even though I might want to. I’ve got to own up to everything, I feel. The good with the bad. Some of it is pretty funny, even smart and witty. Some of it is miserable. A lot of it, really. Then, there is some that is juvenile and probably keyed out under the influence of something. But, it is all going somewhere.

I wonder what else I will find that I missed. I wish I could get back my old Facebook and other social media profiles to read through those wrecks. It would help my with my timeline. But, for now, I’ll just have to do the best with what I can find.