Congratulations, Asshole

Happy birthday, Anthony. Happy birthday, Tony. Happy birthday, Antonio…Seth…whatever you’re calling yourself now, congratulatons on making through another year (despite your best efforts).

Brand new information…you’re a dangerous guy. Did you know that? People who have studied human behavior and practice their understanding of it professionally have recently labelled you so, and then set you back into the wild. Despite your best efforts, already people have a difficult time relying on your words to ring true. You’ve put a new, best foot forward, but you’re seen as a threat and to be manipulated. You’re now extremely damaged goods and no better off than you were two years ago. Worse, even.

Are you alright with that?

Of course you aren’t. But, despite your new rosey outlook and your greatest intentions, you seem to be struggling a bit with things still. That’s understandable. You’ve spent a lot of time being anti-social and preparing for the worst. It will take some time to balance things out again. But, that isn’t an excuse. You’re given a little slack…that is all.

Here’s what you’re going to do. Those pretty little fantasies about not being alone right now are to be put aside. Yes, family and friends are fine…but none of that other shit that’s been floating around in your head. In order to be in anyone’s life, you need to not be a burden. Right now, you’re a burden. This should be no shock or surprise, you fucking did it to yourself. You need to undo it, and that will take your full concentration.

This also means no trips, no games, and no adventues. Stay put. Make it work there, and work it every minute of the day you can. It will pay off, for the time invested now means less time that you have to put off the other things in life. Get a job. Get a car. Pay off debts. Get a real bed. Cook a meal at home. Lose some weight. Only once these things are done will you be allowed anything else. Each is a milestone, not an exit ramp to suddenly turn off and do what you want. Life isn’t waiting for you to catch up, so catch your breath and double your pace.

You’re a dreamer, so it is going to be tough to put your nose down. You’re a lover, so not following your heart will go against your nature. You’re confident, so admitting that everything isn’t fine will hurt. You’re proud, so you will need to force yourself to ask for help.

You tend to peter out with long term goals, so pacing yourself will be required. You like to make excuses for yourself, so guts your way through it until excuses are not even needed. You settle too often, so keep a firm vision of what you want and don’t stop until you have it.

This is going to be your birthday present to yourself. You went through three years of pain, so a couple months of rough waters isn’t anything that you should balk at. You’re next birthday won’t be spent alone. You’re next birthday will be expected. You’re next birthday will prove that this birthday was not in vain.